


forest for the trees

by joyyjpg



Category: Once Upon a Time (TV)
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Canon Compliant, F/F, Love/Hate, Slow Build
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-02-21
Updated: 2015-02-21
Packaged: 2018-03-14 09:55:52
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,505
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3406367
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/joyyjpg/pseuds/joyyjpg
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Snow White was never easy to hate. There were times when Regina almost could have loved her.</p>
            </blockquote>





	forest for the trees

**Author's Note:**

  * For [LiveLoveLikeMe](https://archiveofourown.org/users/LiveLoveLikeMe/gifts).



> LoveLikeMe, I hope you enjoy this! I tried to work with a few ideas from your wishlist: light angst with a happy ending, a little kissing and a little caretaking. I drew on the Enchanted Forest flashbacks from the S2 episode "The Evil Queen," because it's one of the most Snow/Regina episodes ever. Thank you to Mikaylah/silvertons@tumblr for looking over this for me!

  
_“I could have loved her if, if, if.”_ – Emma Donoghue, Kissing the Witch

-

The first thing you should know is that, in the beginning, Regina never wanted to be queen.

Sometimes she wondered if she would be happy in a quiet shack in the forest, living the kind of life she and Daniel might have had. A few times, she thought of running away, packing food and stolen servants clothing to make her escape in the dead of night. She never made it beyond the courtyard. She slipped back into the castle as if she had never left, back into bed next to a husband she would never love. The king would find her; her mother would find her. 

Hatred swelled in her belly, took root and grew and twisted its black branches around her heart. She held onto it – it was the only thing that was truly hers.

-

Seasons passed and she watched Snow White grow from a precocious child to a bright young maiden. Everyone loved her. When they rode through the villages at the king’s side, the people cheered for their princess, showered her with gifts and flowers and tokens of their loyalty. It didn’t matter how much Regina smiled, how many alms she gave or babies she kissed, they never loved her the way they loved Snow White. Eventually, she stopped trying. Hatred’s knobby branches sprouted green leaves of envy. If only the peasants knew what the girl was really like.

The trouble was, once in a while, Regina herself forgot. Not entirely, of course but there were moments when she felt a vague, warm sense of joy in her presence. She would catch herself laughing with her during their walks in the garden or smiling as she braided flowers into Snow’s hair and they sang minstrel’s songs of brave queens and gallant knights. Sometimes, it wasn’t _all_ an act. It was alarmingly easy to slip and Regina had to remind herself that this girl was her enemy – the conniving, selfish brat who caused Daniel’s death.

That’s the other thing you should know: Snow White was never easy to hate.

It became easier with time, once Regina’s hatred had spread and flourished into a dark, overgrown forest from which she could not allow herself to escape.

Before then, there were times when she almost could have loved the girl. Snow White grew into a headstrong young woman – and beautiful, too; even Regina could admit that. Her smooth, milky skin and ebony curls were befitting of a princess of legend, and a simple smile easily charmed the throngs of subjects who already treated her like a queen. And though she constantly reminded herself of the beast that lay beneath that beauty, even Regina was not entirely immune.

Even as she nurtured her magic with revenge in mind, she still, in spite of herself, looked forward to the time they spent together. They picked berries in the forest and waded in the river, and sometimes when Snow smiled, Regina felt a horrible, overwhelming desire to kiss her. She had never considered the girl a daughter, any more than she thought of the king as her husband – what, then, did that make the woman before her now? An enemy, yes, but something else, something _more_. Something dangerous. Something Regina refused to put a name to and buried deep beneath layer after layer of anger and vengeance and determination. She could not lose sight of her purpose: to destroy the happiness of the girl who destroyed hers. 

She could not dare to consider that they might both find happiness in each other.

-

Later – much later – with the king’s blood on her hands and the crown upon her head, Regina’s every waking thought was of Snow White. She wanted her head, her heart; she wanted to taste her blood and watch the life slowly drain from her eyes. Whatever feelings she may have had for the girl were lost in a tangled jungle of obsession and dark magic. The more elusive Snow became the more Regina hunted her. Each time Snow slipped narrowly out of Regina’s grasp, the harder she fought to catch her.

Ultimately, it was Snow who found Regina. During another ultimately fruitless attempt to bring her down, hidden behind a glamour spell, Regina found herself face to face with Snow White once again. All of her anger bubbled to the surface, but so did something else that she had shut out long ago.

All at once she was reminded of those summer evenings spent ankle-deep in the river or hand-in-hand in the gardens. It became worse when Snow began to tend Regina’s wounds, fingers brushing her skin as she gently washed the gash on her leg.

But the very worst part came when Snow told the story of a woman who saved her from being thrown from her horse. _She’s gone. Oh, but I hope she comes back some day._

They shared a makeshift tent near a creek, the kind of shelter Regina probably would have found herself in if she had ever worked up the nerve to run away all those years ago. Her injury prevented her from doing anything else, so she selfishly let herself enjoy the moment. Snow brought food for them to share, berries and a young buck that they roasted over a fire. They laughed and sang, the way they used to, but their voices rang slightly out of tune. It was all an illusion – Snow thought her new companion to be a peasant woman, after all – but for a few fleeting moments, Regina allowed herself to believe it was real. 

Snow gave her every opportunity to do what she set out to do. She put a sword in Regina’s hand, and though her fingers tightened around the hilt and she screamed at herself to do it, she didn’t. She _couldn’t_. Even after Snow discovered her true identity and raised her bow, Regina still hesitated. Snow did the same. They locked themselves in a stalemate that Regina could not accept.

It was a temporary lapse of judgment, she swore later. She could have killed Snow without a second thought. She _would_ next time. She would never again allow herself to be that weak.

So, they were back where they started: Snow White on the run and the infamous “Evil Queen” on her trail. Regina obsessed day and night over how to rid herself of the ever-present thorn in her side and refused to think of anything else. Her hatred was still the only thing she had and it was the only thing she could control. She let it take over, let its roots ground her and its vines spread through her veins until she could be sure there was no turning back.

At least one thing Snow said would be true: _there is no good left in her._

-

Later – much later – with more blood and misery under the bridge than even Regina could have imagined, she found that there is always a chance to turn back. Even after everything that happened, after everything she’d done, she could still find a way to go back and try again.

Snow White taught her that.

To be fair, it wasn’t easy for either of them to let go of the past. But Snow’s unfailing, occasionally nauseating optimism somehow still extended to Regina, and Regina, slowly but surely, began to chop down her dark forest. She was terrified to let go of the hatred that she had clung to so desperately for so long, but she realized that there was so much more to her than that, as she gained something even better to hold onto in its place.

Snow – Mary Margaret now, but to Regina she would always be Snow White – smiled at her, the same enchanting smile that had threatened to tear down Regina’s defenses in another time and another realm, and again Regina felt the same desire to close the distance between them and kiss her. Would it be easier now, she wondered, or would it only continue to complicate whatever precarious relationship they had finally built? Had they come too far – was it simply too late?

Before Regina could unravel her thoughts, Snow leaned in and softly pressed their lips together. It was a much gentler kiss than Regina expected, too gentle, perhaps, for the long, miserable journey that brought them to this point. But she took it and more – and _more_ , in case this was the only chance she got, though Snow’s fingers threading through her hair and trailing along the hem of her blouse held the promise that there would be many others. Maybe it wasn’t too late, after all. Maybe this time around, Regina could let herself love her.

_I take it back_ , Snow said, face flushed and eyes sparkling like the young princess Regina remembered. _There is definitely still good in you._

-

  
_“The thread between us was stretched thin, wound round trees and snagged in thickets, but never broken.”_ – Emma Donoghue, Kissing the Witch


End file.
